If it's broke, Vicks it!

Those that know my family know we have a total dependence on Vicks Vaporub.  I'm not sure how or why it originated, but Vicks is the cure-all for us, just like Windex is for that Greek family in that Big Fat Greek Movie called My Big Fat Greek Wedding. 

We use it for chapped lips.  We use it for colds, but not as directed.  We apply it on chafed skin.  I'm sure there are other uses.  My mom's favorite response to a child whining about health-related issues: "Put some Vicks on it and go to bed earlier."

Some of my siblings are more dependent on it than others.  The biggest user is Kurt.  I don't know if he still does this, but frequently the entire lower half of his face would be smothered in Vicks.  He's been known to go through an entire bottle in a month.  I think he just loved the smell.

I use it pretty regularly myself.  I put it on chapped lips, and love to feel the cool iciness on my burning skin.  I'll put it on any chafed body part, and it has never not worked to soothe it immediately.  When I worked at Friday's, I would get some serious chafing from all the walking I would do, so I'd go out to my car mid-shift and get Vicks out of my glove box and apply it to the affected areas.  By the end of my shift, there was no more rubbing or rash.

I also use it if any semblance of a symptom of a cold appears.  Slight scratch In the throat?  Vicks!  Sniffle?  Vicks!  Eyes watering?  Vicks it up, baby!  I put it on my lips and around my nostrils and let the eucalyptus goodness waft into my system.  I don't care if it heals me or not, it just feels so much better.

It says on the bottle "Do not apply to mouth or near the nose."  In fact, if you follow the directions, you're supposed to rub it on your chest.  I tried that once when I had a cold, and that was just nonsense.  I could barely even smell it and then I just had a greasy chest.  Plus, I like to sleep on my stomach, so that wouldn't work either.  

I've had some failed attempts at using Vicks to solve health issues.  Probably my worst idea was in 9th grade when I had a pretty fierce collection of tiny zits on my forehead that came out of nowhere.  For weeks I washed and washed my face and they were only multiplying.  

(My dear kind sister JoEllen liked to point this out, as if she were telling me I had some food on my face that I didn't know about, and she was doing me a huge favor: "Kent, did you know you have a ton of zits on your face?  Goodness me oh my, that is a LOT of zits!"  Really, Jo, do I?  Let me go look in the mirror, oh wow!  You're completely right!  As a super self-conscious 9th grader who only cares about his appearance, I am surprised that I never noticed this before!)

Anyway, I was desperate for a solution, and considered Vicks.  Bad idea.  Vicks, of course, only clogged up my pores worse and the tiny zits grew much larger, and I'm pretty sure my large zits started to get small zits on top of that.  Kids, don't use Vicks on your zits.

Another bad Vicks idea was after college.  I was in Boston, but flew home to Utah for a weekend.  I borrowed my brother Ralph's Axe spray-deodorant (Axe=scandalous!).  I developed a pretty bad rash under my pits and since Vicks had helped me through some touch chafings in the past, why wouldn't he help now?  Of course, I just made it worse.  I went to the doctor and the doctor said, "NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!"  And also to use this alcohol stuff and the rash disappeared immediately.

Still, I can't go without my Vicks.  Every trip I've forgotten my Vicks has been a trip full of regret and loathing.  Melanie has always scoffed at my dependence on this miracle elixir.  She refuses to use it ever.  Well, at least until a few weeks ago when her sinuses wouldn't clear.  She asked for some Vicks, and I was shell-shocked.  This was like Kobe deferring to his teammates, or Albert Pujols NOT launching a homer.  I gave her the Vicks with the warning that it probably wouldn't work on someone with so little faith in Vicks.  She tried anyway, and I was right: her faith in Vicks was not strong enough, and the healing did not occur.  A couple weeks later, still stuffed up, she tried it again.  Her faith was obviously stronger, and she started to feel better.  We all learned an important lesson that day.

Vicks will always be my friend.  I'm sure some of my kids will develop a dependence like me, and some of them will stray to the church of Chapstick and whatever else people use for colds (Leg of newt? Beef shank?).  But as for me, I will always trust in Vicks.