I've actually been thinking of what my pet peeves are for quite some time. I could probably put them in categories. But I don't want to make this too elaborate. All the things on this list I'm probably guilty of at one time or another, however, I do my best to not subject anyone to them. The caveat to this is when you're doing any of these for the sole purpose to annoy somebody, then it's okay and quite humorous.
5. The sound of eating
Everybody makes noise when they eat. I know I do. I just don't like being near (as in, within a couple of feet) somebody who is eating when I'm NOT eating. I just sit there and listen to them eating, checking up on their progress and impatiently waiting for them to FINALLY finish that bowl of ice cream they've been smacking on for the last 15 minutes, although it seemed like 4 hours.
It especially bugs me when I'm watching a tv show/movie and there's a scene where somebody is talking and eating. Is this necessary? Do we really have to hear the amplified sound of them smacking and chomping while they save the world/get the girl? I say they eliminate meal scenes, and if they must have a meal scene, the speaker does us all a favor and finishes his mouthful before speaking.
4. Whistlers/hummers
The actual act of whistling and humming isn't so bad. Okay, it is. Once I was in a public bathroom minding my own business when some whistler came in tooting his horn and just being overly cheerful and loud. He did his business, whistling the whole time. It was very strange, and very annoying. I just want to be in peace. Don't force everybody to be a part of the song in your head.
It especially bothers me when they choose annoying tunes you know like "3 blind mice" or "Camptown ladies" or "Jingle bells". Then you have that dumb song in your head for the rest of the day! I always tried not being outside at BYU on the hour, just to avoid hearing the Come Come Ye Saints bells and have that song stuck in my head all day.
With that said-
Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footloooooooong...
3. Loud breathers
There is nothing worse than sitting next to someone in Sunday School that is whistling through their nose so loudly that I can't think of anything except their next breath. About 10 minutes of this and I turn into Flanders: "BREATHE OUT OF YOUR DANGNABBED MOUTH!"
I had a comp who whistled all the time out of his nose. When I told him about it, he denied having that problem. We even sat there in silence, me hearing his whistling nose, him claiming that he couldn't hear it. So maybe the loud breathers can't hear themselves breathe. It's still annoying.
2. Dogs
I am a notorious dog-hater. I will gladly tell people that I hate dogs, I hate THEIR dog, I hate THEM for having a dog, and I hate their mother for having a child that has a dog. Okay, maybe not that much hate. I just hate the messes and stink and noise that comes with dogs. So my pet-peeve is more like "dog-related annoyances". I would say most of the general population likes dogs and feels the need to have one, so when I mention I don't like dogs, they are usually offended and can't possibly imagine why anyone, anywhere, would hate dogs. But I don't apologize. I can give a long list of why dogs are awful that even the most fanatical dog lover can't deny:
- They poop everywhere
- They shed everywhere
- They make everything stink like dog
- They bark at inopportune times
- They pee everywhere
- They are NOT like having kids. Maybe like having a kid who never contributes to society, never gets potty trained, never helps around the house, never grows up, etc.
- They require food that costs money
- You have to get them shots and take them to the vet
- You can't have conversations with them
- You can teach them to do like 3 things max
- They will never wash your dishes
- They will never make you a meal
- They will chew up your prized hat when you are getting a haircut (I LOVED that hat)
- They are man's best friend, if you like having friends who don't talk, poop in your lawn, and never chip in for their food, which you don't
- They can pull your sled if you have enough of them, which you don't
- They can move cattle if you have cattle that need to be moved, which you don't
- They can keep away criminals. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding!
There are few things more disgusting than chewed gum. It makes me nauseous just writing about it. I would rather touch human waste than a chewed piece of gum. If you're a gum chewer, please do us all a favor and dispose of it properly. Put it in a piece of paper before you throw it way. Make sure it gets in the trash. It doesn't belong on the sidewalk, under a desk/table/chair, almost in the trash, in the urinal (so GROSS!), on your cup during a meal (who does this?), or behind your ear. NASTY!
My high school friends knew I hated this and used it against me constantly. They teased me and I got all squeamish, and we had a good laugh, and we had fun. But what's NOT funny is chewed gum not in the garbage. Please, do your part.
I saw in the news some town (I think it was Santa Fe, NM) banned chewing gum. I wouldn't mind if that was a law. There are other ways to keep your breathe fresh: brush your treath, pop an altoid, do a breath strip, etc.
Now that you've all read my pet peeves, you must be thinking, "Wow, this guy needs to reLAX!" Don't judge me. Don't pretend like you don't have your own pet peeves. Maybe one of your pet peeves is people with pet peeves.
14 comments:
One of my pet peeves is that they're CALLED pet peeves. Whenever people asked me about them, I thought they were talking about PETS! How was I supposed to know that it was about things that bothered me in general? I thus humiliated myself by declaring to the yearbook staff in 7th grade that one of my pet peeves was when our cat, Kitty, would scratch on my window night after night after night after night WHILE I WAS SLEEPING. Then I finally found out what it really meant and was really annoyed. To this day I am annoyed.
I wholeheartedly agree with the eating. I just generally hate mouth noises. One of my roommates loves to chomp on gum, and knows that I hate it, and tries to be quiet about it, but I swear that every time she so much as smacks her lips together, an angel has just lost its wings and fallen from heaven into the ocean and gotten eaten by a shark. SHUT YOUR MOUTHS, PEOPLE.
i'm with you on dogs. my pet peeve is people who treat their dogs like their children...go so far as to call themselves "mommy" or "daddy"and include the in family pictures.
for reals people?
it's a dog.
I'm way offended at your dog prejudice. You clearly have a heart of stone. Just kidding. Your post just made my day. Especially the strategically placed five dollar footlong jingle. Which I just mentioned to return the favor and get it stuck in YOUR head for the day. We're crossing our fingers for Wharton... then it's "Road trip to the Hansens! EVERY weekend." Hope you're excited!!! We'll be bringing our dogs, too.
As a former loud breather myself, i can say that it's very hard to admit you have a problem. Only constant berating from a close friend and being dumped by a cute girl (BECAUSE of loud breathing) got me to admit I had a problem. I have now kicked the habit.
I will admit, however, to recently trying to out-breath a dude in the temple who was driving me crazy with his nostril-wheezing. I knew a discrete "would you mind shutting the eff up?" wouldn't go over well, so I resorted to an arms race that just ended up pissing off everyone in breathing range.
I am also an anti-dog person. It offends me as an economist and as a human that billions are spent on dogs which could much better be spent on living human beings. Of course, that would require us to decide as a society that human beings are worth more than dogs. Clearly, there is not a consensus yet on this issue, since people are still happy to walk behind their dogs and pick up their excrement and carry it with them. I did this once for a friend and it was a revolting experience.
Most of my pet peeves I share with you. Anyone who knows me knows my extreme hatred of chomping. But worse than that is when someone sitting near you shakes their leg or taps or something, so that YOU can feel the vibrations. That's the WORST. But I will say, having a baby made me a lot more relaxed with several other pet peeves.
All I can say is I secretly think the original Hansen family of which I married into, has some pretty strong feelings about the mouth and the noises thereof - whether it be chewing, or yawning and talking, breathing or whatever - and I'll probably become one of these easily annoyed Hansens with time- but for the record, when I married into the family - I did not know of these strong aversions - nor have any. So there.
This was a pretty funny post, Kent. I share many of your feelings about your pet peeves although I don't think I'm quite so violent about them. Unfortunately my children are guilty of the a. chewing loudly and b. whistling despite my many pleas/nags to stop. So I generally try not to let it get to me in the interest of not alienating them permanently. However, in my crabbiest moments all bets are off.
Oh, and I really hate untrained dogs with a passion. Having been bitten, I consider them dangerous and a menace to society.
You know what would be the worst is if someone would whistle "jingle bells" through their nose, while breathing deeply. Now that would probably drive you NUTZ, Kent.
i HATE people with pet peeves. j to the k. that part about dogs - can i get an amen? that was hysterical.
KENT!!! ahhahahahahha This is Lindsay Storm. I found your blog through mischievous ways and I just had to leave a comment about your pet peeves because i am so glad there is someone else out there like me. Gum in general is the most disgusting thing ever. I always wish I could go back in time and kill the person who invented it. No joke. And loud breathers! AHHHHHHHH! My husband breathes through his mouth and I have such a hard time with it!! I always have to close his mouth! hahahha
Just had to tell you how relieved I am that I am not the only one!
Upon further reflection I thought of two reasons why dogs might be good.
One, if you have a lot of stray cats in your neighborhood, they could keep them away.
Two, if you don't have a disposal in your sink (or a dishwasher) and lots of messy kids, the dog can eat all the food that falls to the floor or is left on their plates.
But it's still not worth it.
Whatever happened to Terrence?
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