Kindergarten Kent

I was thinking today about how in kindergarten I and my friends had a fascination with seeing the underwear of every girl in my class. This was the train of thought that triggered this remote memory:

1. Thinking of stuff to blog about
2. Young romances are always entertaining/funny
3. Girls I liked in junior high/elementary
4. First one I liked was Anne Tyson, in kindergarten
5. I saw her underwear once
6. Why are boys fascinated with the sight of underwear?
7. I should blog about this, RIGHT NOW, before I forget

I was in the afternoon class, with Mrs. Adams. Mrs Adams was ridiculously nice, as every kindergarten teacher is (Miss Levine in 1st grade was a rude awakening). This was my first experience with a bunch of kids my age, and a whole new bunch of girls.

There was the bully, too. This chubbster named Andy Sheldon who thought he would muscle his way to all the quality construction paper and the best scissors. Of course, the scissors that skinny, young Kent would end up with were those kind that is so dull that I might as well use the "karate-chop" motion of the side of my hand. Also, I never got the whole pieces of construction paper, only the remains that already were cut-up/mangles. Because of this, my hand-turkeys were usually one finger short of a fist.

I wasn't a glue eater, more of a marker sniffer. Especially the permanent markers, those were delicious. Remember when the flavored markers came out and they actually smelled like apples and oranges? Greatest invention EVER.

I was usually the main boy being chased in "Girls Chase Boys", probably because I was so dagnabbed cute. I wasn't a fan of "Boys Chase Girls" because the girls were so easy to catch, it's like they weren't even trying.

I'm not sure how long it took me to notice Anne Tyson, but when I did, I was smitten. She was the cutest girl in the world. I noticed she lived right across the street from the school, so she had a really nice commute.

As much as I probably stared at Anne, her underwear was the most elusive to see. Some girls hiked up their underpants so high that there was a good 2 inches of underwear visibility between their shirt and their pants. The best time for underwear sightings was during story time, which was frequently on the carpet, sitting Indian-style. Once we sat down, we would take a survey of all the girls' waistlines, looking for the tale tell stripe of white that frequently denoted UNDERWEAR. Once this was spotted, the spotter would relay the good news through the congregation of boys sitting on the back row for maximum underwear viewing. Once it was confirmed, we would check the girl off of the "Underwear sighting list".

It took almost the whole year to see Anne's unmentionables, and she was the last on my list. She was always well put-together, her pants cinched up the appropriate height, her shirt down to the pants, and the underwear well-covered. Then one day, it happened: they were pulled up just a smidgen too high, and I saw a good 1/16th of an inch. My list was complete.

The next year I moved on to the 1st grade, where I realized that underwear, while still funny, was not as hilarious as it once was. I had matured. Although I do recall when Hillary Lewis's dress was caught in the fence next to the baseball field, and ALL of her underwear was on display. A crowd of at least 20 boys had gathered around, none helping to get her out, everybody just staring in delight. She just sat there, crying and crying. It took about 15 minutes before The Duty came and saved her.

Calling All Cars...

Has anyone seen my husband? I lost him somewhere around Christmas and this crazy-looking bearded guy has been following me around ever since. It's weird. He's weird. If you see Kent tell him to come home...his wife is waiting.
Of course, Kent won't be home until Friday night because he ditched me to go to some "training" thing for work. I was okay with it when I pictured him crammed into an uncomfortable hotel room, sharing a twin bed with five of the geekiest computer geeks PWC managed to uncover. Now that I know he has a room all to himself with a day filled with truly motivational speaking, complete with pay-per-view movies, I'm thinking it sounds a lot like a vacation away from his heart-broken wife. You should be ashamed of yourself Kent, truly ashamed.

However, I figured I would make good use of all this free and quiet time to stage a blog comeback and regain some ownership of this little slice of the interwebs, which, for the record, was created by the one and only Mellificent herself...ME. I do realize that I can never be quite as witty and entertaining as Kent as I just don't have that same ability to grow facial hair and pretend mullets are cool. And let it be written, Mullets are NOT cool on any level, not one. So now I accept my fate as the lowly Kent factual updater. This means that while Kent can be "colorful" and write posts around any subject he chooses, I will grant the wide wide world the pleasure of a glimpse into our exciting lives in the fast lane.

We were in bed at midnight on New Year's Eve. Granted we were still awake, but in bed nonetheless. We actually spent the 2 1/2 hours prior to the stroke of midnight wandering around downtown Boston trying to feel "festive." The original plan was to go downtown to revel in the revelries and then make our way to the water's edge for a fantastic firework display. We began the evening with a little swing-dancing instruction where Kent proved he did in fact have a right and a left foot. I tried to con him into dance lessons before the wedding and he wouldn't have any of it but I think he may have been bitten by the jitter-bug. Hey, corny jokes are still jokes.

Following our warm-up we headed out to the streets and took a lovely evening stroll down Boylston Street with all the other party-goers. I think whoever discovered the method to mass producing plastic horns should be cruelly and unusually punished. I thought that horrible noise would be less horrible outside, but I was quickly set straight. Despite the obnoxious noise makers we were able to enjoy the ice sculptures in Copley Square and continued on toward Boston Common. Instead of grazing cattle, the Common is now home to all the public parties Boston has to offer, so I guess you can say it's still used for grazing cattle. Kent complains that I never "offer" to take pictures of him, but why bother when he refuses to smile and look charming?

No walk-around-Boston is complete without a stop at Faneuil Hall. When we took these photos we had already decided that we would risk missing out on the fireworks in order to miss the large crowds on the T-ride home. If you look closely you can see the throngs moving towards the harbor to scout out their seats. So we enjoyed a quiet, and mostly empty train ride home, followed by Kent challenging me to a race home (silly Kent, he should know better), not to mention we still made it home in time to watch Dick Clark struggle through 3 sentences. I think it's time to let that poor man drift gracefully from the spotlight.

I do hope you all enjoyed the holidays as much as we did. And I wish you good luck with your resolutions. I made a resolution years ago never to make resolutions and I must say, I've never been more successful at anything.

Lowest of the Brows

Mel's been feeling a bit sad lately because nobody has been leaving comments on her posts, so let's everybody go find 3 of her blogs and write 23 words of quality comment because you're 23 years old.

I work in downtown Boston, in the financial district. Between the hours of 8AM to 6PM Monday through Friday there is quite the hustle and bustle here, with suits zigging and zagging all over the place. Outside of those hours, however, it is quite a ghost town. That means there are several lunch-only cafes around my building that offer various foods at various prices. The cheapest place is Subway, and the most expensive one is a place I like to call Sebastian's, possibly because it has a sign in front of it that reads "Sebastian's".

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..............I never go to Sebastian's because it is overpriced and that's where all the people who like to spend way too much on lunch go for their overpriced salads consisting of lawnmower-feedbag-type stuff. HOWEVER, I received a gift-certif from helping out with the United Way campaign at work for Sebastian's, so now I had an incentive to buy an overpriced sandwich.

We always get tricked into thinking that just because something is more expensive, it must be better. Now I will go ahead and qualify that statement by saying that OF COURSE some things are better, that's why they cost more! But for 2 comparable items: Sandwich A at lunch cafe B compared against sandwich C and lunch cafe D. Let's say both sandwiches are called "The Italiano Greaser" and they contain the standard meats you would find in Italian sandwiches, like salami, pastrami, mamamio, etc. But one costs 4 bucks and the other costs 8! Well, you would think that for twice the price it will be twice as nice, but not so! It wasn't even half as nice, in fact, I was choking it down, not enjoying it in the least bit. I would say it was 23% as nice.

Which caused me to realize that:

1. I generally don't really like the meals I get at expensive restaurants
2. I would rather have a no-nonsense BLT than a tons-of-nonsense craptastic sandwich.
3. The meals I get at expensive restaurants are usually very small and leave me hungry

Here are some cases when I was thoroughly disappointed with expensive cafes/restaurants, and wished I could've just had a Whopper (GET ME A WHOPPER!):
1. Senior Prom, 1998--Took Hillstance to the Homestead in Midway, Utah. Paid 40 bucks a plate for some weird pasta dish. Ate some of it, thought it was gross. Dismissed it to my lack of experience in the gourmet world.
2. Finale, 2005--Went with Jamie to this dessert place in Cambridge, Mass, only to find that these "gourmet" desserts were AT LEAST 10 bucks a pop and about the size of a silver dollar. I will admit that it was delicious, but I can't justify paying 10 bucks, plus tip, for any food of that size. Except maybe steak.
3. National MathCounts banquet, Warshington DC, 1994--They gave us some super gourmet chicken that was tiny, and I scarfed it down in 4.23 seconds, and I was starving the rest of the night. That sucks for a 14 year old kid with almost no cash in his wallet and nowhere to buy food within walking distance. My only option was to gnaw Jared Raggozine's (nerdiest kid of ALL TIME-he'll probably find this because he probably googles himself) ear off.
4. Sebastian's, 2 days ago
5. Pretty much every restaurant we go to for a work dinner, with a few exceptions. Have you ever noticed how people talk about those expensive restaurants like it was a vacation? "On Friday, we went to The Gargoyled Olive, it was so fun! Everybody cool was there, and we could totally afford it."

Anyway, the point of this whole post is to admit that when it comes to food, I am happily LOW BROW. When given the option to go to Chili's, Applebee's, Friday's, or one of the other "corporate" dives or to some 60 dollar-a-plate white table cloth snoot-a-thon restaurant, I will ALWAYS choose Chili's, because the Molten Chocolate Cake is so durned delicious. Even if I'm not paying.

I like the classics. I like mashed potatoes and gravola, I like steak, I like fried chicken, I like corn on the cob, I like burgers and fries, I like tacos and burritos. Just stick to the hits, man. Stick to the hits.

Bob Loblaw's Law Blog

So this is the time of year that everybody does New Year's Resolutions and all that crap. I am not really anti-resolution, per se, but resolutions imply change, and any change I would make would be a change for the worse, as I am already perfect. So my resolution is to maintain the status quo.

A good answer for the annually irritating question of "What are you going to do this year?" would be: "Whatever I feel like doing, GOSH!!" This question ranks up there next to "How's the married life?" and "How are you adjusting (to the post-mission life)?" in top irritating questions. Since my blog is becoming a top 10 ranking blog (similar to the movie "High Fidelity"), I may as well rank them. Here they are, the most irritating questions that you get way too much, and the standard answer I use:

1. How's the married life? A: Huge upgrade.
2. How are you adjusting? A: Horribly. (I realize that this is a pretty bad canned answer, I'm open to suggestchs)
3. What are you going to do next year? A: Whatever I feel like doing, GOSH!!
4. Don't Mormons have lots of wives? A: No, not really, I've only got 5.
5. Will you marry me? A: Maybe if you lose a few pounds.

Those are the only irritating questions that I get on a regular basis that I can think of right now. Please send me your other common irritating questions.

Anyway, 2007 was a pretty good year for me. Although I did not leave the country once (even including Canada!), it was probably my best year ever. See below.

January: Said "I love you" finally to Mellificent, even though we'd be dating for more than a year. Also, the Colts won the Super Bowl.


















February: Turned 27. Another year without dying.









March: Popped the Big Q. The answer: A hesitant "Yes".
April: Went to St. Louis to visit Gertsch and see Albert be awesome.












May: Went up to Lake Winnipesaukee for a day, 'twas awesome.








June: Tied the knot with beautiful Mellificent. Went on honeymoon to Florida.
July: Moved into brand new place, which was a huge step up from my last place, with underground parking, washer, dryer, dishwasher, central air, and garbage disposal. These are NOT standard by any means in the Boston area.
September: Bought an almost-new car, nicest we've ever had.
October: Celebrated Mellif's sweet 16 by going up to Vermont and stuff.
November: Mellif's 'rents visited over Thanksgiving.
December: Had Christmas and saw almost all Hansens, except Kurt and Al. Received a PSP, which is pretty dagnabbed awesome. Now I can play NBA Live 2008 on the train to and fro work.

1st Annual Christmas Awards

Cutest Rendition of the BYU Fight Song: Eli Hansen



Blondest Hair: Miss Mindy Bergeson























Most frequent tear-shedder: Matthew Morris






Best Looking 8-month pregnant Mom: JoEllen Morris


















Most Graceful on the Ice: Susan Hansen


















Most Air: Talmage Bergeson














While I missed out on the ice skating and sledding, I am glad I got to spend some quality time with the Hansens this year. It was great to see all of the kids and get to know my in-laws a bit better. And Tyler, Welcome Home!

A Hansen Carol

Growing up as 1 of 7 I always thought we had a pretty large crowd at Christmas. After spending this Christmas with almost the entire Hansen clan I now think back to the McKinnon Christmases of years past as small, docile gatherings. Here's the guest list at Mom and Dad Hansen's Christmas Eve festivities (and I didn't even need Kent's help):

Mom & Dad
Grandma Ellen
Brian
Liesl
Tyler
Paula & Scott
David
Jan
Garrett
Lincoln
Everett
Susanna
Talmage
Mindy
Neil & Kristie
Anna
Lizzie
Maria
Martha
Eli
Abbie
Bruce & Michelle
Clyn
Thys
Lana
JoEllen & Mark
Felicity
Katrina
Matthew
Kent & I
Heidi & Aaron

I feel it necessary to say just how impressed I am with Mom Hansen's ability to organize such a night and not rip her hair out at the end of it. In fact, I believe she was able to actually enjoy herself. The program for the evening went a little something like this:

Dinner




























Nativity (written, directed, and produced by Heidi)






























Carol Sing-a-long

Top Songs

I've always been kind of a music nut, but not in the same way my brother Kurt is a music nut. He is more of a music walnut, where as I am a music peanut. Kurt loves classical music and ONLY classical music, everything else is complete trash. Although I was surprised that when he picked Mel and I up from the Kansas City airport he was listening to NON-CLASSICAL music, which pretty much rocked my foundation. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if Kurt can change, and you can change, everybody can change!

Kurt is the chump in the yellow footies here.

Anyway, I started off listening to Alternative around the turn of the decade (80's/90's), and my first favorite band was Pet Shop Boys/Erasure because they're pretty much the same anyway. Once I found out they were gay, well, that was the end of THAT.

This picture of me on the piano was pretty much the only time I played, and I'm sure it was a rousing rendition of "Bill Grogan's Goat."

In 6th grade KJQ, the only station I ever listened to, went off the air and was replaced by X-96, which I was not emotionally ready for. So that started my radio renaissance, where I started experimenting with other stations, even the despicable "Hot 94.9".

That reminds me of the time when we went to Burger King when JoEllen was still in elementary school, making me no older than 8. We went to year-round school, and we were "off-track", which meant 3 weeks of vacation at random times during the year. Mom "treated" us to one fast-food meal every off-track, usually at Skipper's, but sometimes Burger King. We chose the Burger King because of the awesome playground, which was over there by where TGIFriday's is.

Somehow JoEllen got a hold of a 97.1 KISS FM bumper sticker and there was this contest where if they spotted your car with a KISS FM sticker, then you can win 1000 bucks or something. So on the way home, JoEllen sat in the back of the brown station wagon holding up the sticker in the window, but Mom was outraged that Jo would be defiling our station wagon with such a trashy radio station. But Jo kept sneaking up the sticker, as if we would be spotted in the 15 seconds and win 1000 bucks. I was super excited, I was sure Jo was going to win!

Back to the radio renaissance: In 6th grade I started listening to R&B, which at the time was awesome with hits like "Everybody Dance Now" and "Good Vibrations". That lasted until 8th grade, when I got sick of the repetitiveness of R&B and started getting into KBER, which was your white trash Dad's favorite station. White Snake, Winger, Tesla, Poison, Saigon Kick, W.A.S.P., and of course the classic sounds of AC/DC and Metallica. That's when I first joined BMG and got my 10 free CD's for one cent, plus 4 bucks in shipping.

One of the CD's that came in that first shipment was Nine Inch Nails' Downward Spiral. JoEllen saw that I had purchased it, so she and her best friend Dawn took their righteous authority and broke it. I was super angry, but of course I couldn't tell Mom and Dad, because then they would've found out about all my other CD's.

That's when I took my music to the underground. Me and Baldwin purchased a PO Box at the local post office box so we could get our music shipped there, not having to worry about our parents checking the mail or any overzealous sisters stomping them out. That enabled us to sign up with all sorts of fake names (like Amanda Hugandkiss and I. P. Freely) and get the same deal from BMG again and again.

By the time high school hit, I was into Pearl Jam and the grunge era pretty hardcore. I mostly listened to X-96 and 107.5, but also still stuck with KBER. I can still remember my 6 preset radio stations in that crappy Toyota Tercel I drove, shown here in the snow:

1. X-96
2. 107.5 The End
3. Q-99.5
4. Star 102.7 (Hey-they didn't play ALL gay music)
5. Arrow 103.5
6. KOHS 91.7 (in the summer it was off, so I switched off between 105.7 and 94.1)

Delivering pizza throughout high school gave me a LOT of time to listen to music, plus I traded CD's with my buddies Erik, Jeff, and Dirty Dan all the time. I also DJ-ed at KOHS, so that gave me access to a lot of music as well. I even did an "internship" at 107.5 where I would sit in the studio with Dom Casual every day for a couple of weeks and watch him do his thang. Then Baldwin got jobs with various radio stations and me becoming a DJ after school became more and more a reality. By the time I finished high school I had pretty much completed my pizza system, so at that point I realized that I didn't want to work midnight shifts for the rest of my life, so instead I stayed in school. Good choice.

Anyway, here are my current top 20 songs. There's only one rule for these songs: I have to have heard them for more than a year. You can't just hear a cool song on the radio and add it to your top 20 and then get sick of it in a month. So it's got to last a year.

1. Brothers on a Hotel Bed - Death Cab for Cutie
2. Screenwriter's Blues - Soul Coughing
3. Longroad - Pearl Jam
4. Nutshell - Alice in Chains
5. Last Stop This Town - The Eels
6. Beethoven II: Arietta. Adagio molto semplice e cantabile
7. Bad - U2
8. Jackass - Beck
9. Wake Up - Mad Season
10. Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez
11. The Adventure - Angels and Airwaves
12. Mad, Mad World - Gary Jules
13. H - Tool
14. Either Way - Guster
15. Blood Brothers - Bruce Springsteen
16. The City Sleeps - MC 900 Ft Jesus
17. Fool in the Rain - Led Zeppelin
18. Housin' - Rage Against the Machine
19. Staple It Together - Jack Johnson
20. Babylon - David Gray