I unheart Applebee's

You've all waited so patiently for our next post that I'm going to reward you with a post every day for the next week! But seriously, no. I'm a smidgereeno busy at work and that's when I typically write my blogs: smack-dab during the middle of the work day. I feel justified in this because I have a false sense of entitlement. If my boss is reading this: just kidding. I'm not too worried about my boss reading this because I'm a big believer in the separation of work and life. Whenever somebody at work asks me about my life, I tell them I live at 06016.2 (my cubical number) and sleep under my desk.

Because I've been so busy at work, I have been maximizing my leisure by doing absolutely nothing once I go home. I watch the tube, play some Civ and NBA Live, and sleep a lot. This leads to a sore rump after about 13 hours or so. Once the rump is sufficiently sore, I feel like I have maximized my leisure and it's time to get this ol' scrap heap moving.

This happened on Saturday. I got up early, at 6:30 am, excited for a full day of doing nothing. I got up earlier than I do on weekdays (8 am), just because I was planning on taking a ridiculously long nap that afternoon, and you can't do that if you sleep in. So I cranked up my comp and starting Civin' it up. (For those of you who don't know what Civ is, first of all: SHAME ON YOU, second of all: it's short for "Civilization", a highly-addictive computer game.)

After conquering my Aztec and Malinese rivals a few times and taking a 3 hour nap, my rump had acquired sufficient soreness to get off my duff. It was dinner time by now, around 7, so we cleaned up and headed over to this Mexican place in downtown Melrose that seemed to be popular, but we hadn't experienced it yet. Of course, 7 is NOT an ideal time to go to a popular restaurant on a Saturday night. Everybody knows you need to get there at 6 or else you're waitin'. All the tables were full and we were quoted a 25 minute wait. Since we got prime street parking right in front, we weren't about to go anywhere, so we sat in the car and waited for our pager to light up. About 25 minutes later, we checked to see how close we were, and the stupid host quoted us with ANOTHER 25 minute wait. How stupid is that? If he woulda said "50 minutes" then we would've left immediately.

So then we were stuck driving down Main Street looking for a non-pizza joint, which is next to impossible. I swear there are pizza joints out here like LDS chapels in Utah. No close restaurants seemed that tasty, so we decided to go over to Applebee's.

Now those faithful readers will remember my "Low Brow" post and they know that I like those corporate franchises because you know what you're getting into for about 10-12 bucks a plate. However, I have a disclaimer: I go to restaurants for specific dishes, not because every last one of their dishes is delicious. For example, I like Friday's because of their JD Steak and Shrimp. I like Chili's for the Molten Chocolate Cake. I like PF Chang's because of the Mongolian Beef. I like Applebee's because of the Fiesta Lime Chicken. Now some people will say that I'm not experiencing the other meals, but I find all of the aforementioned dishes exceedingly desirable. Why would you try something else when you only go to that restaurant every month or so? If you go there every week, that's different. But eating the same thing once a month is not what I call tedious.

The restaurants that I've never been to or that I didn't happen to pick a celestial meal of course are the exceptions. I go with an open mind and choose something that I think I would like. So it's not like I don't try new things, but once you've found perfection, why settle for mediocrity?

So now I need to tell you that everything else that I or Mellif has tried at Applebee's has been pretty nasty, 'cepting the molten choco dessert, which is always a hit at almost every place. So Mellif only goes there because she is such a loving wife and knows that I love the Fiesta Lime Chicken more than her.

Anyway.

So off we went to Applebee's, getting there around 8, pretty Starvelous Marvelous by now. The wait was short, only 10 minutes, so that was good. We sat down in a sizable booth and things were lookin' up. About 5 minutes went by, we were ready to order, both getting the appetizer/meal/dessert deal for 12 bucks or whatever. The waiter FINALLY shows up and he's got bloodshot eyes and he's shaking like a 5-year-old stuck outside in the snow and has to pee. We dismiss it to something that he can't help, like Parkinson's or whatever. He comes back with our drinks promptly.

Then we wait.

And wait.

And wait some more. No sign of the waiter. Where on earth was he? Some other server walked past and I stopped her, asking her where our appetizers were. She said the kitchen was way backed up and they were doing their best to catch up. Well, at least it wasn't the non-existent waiter's fault, and the moment our food comes out of the fryer it will be whisked away to our table, piping hot.

So we wait.

And wait.

And wait so more. FINALLY, somebody (not our waiter) brings our appetizers. I violently shoved a mozzarella stick in my mozzarella-stick-hole and took a bite. COLD! FREEZING! Mozzarella sticks are delicious ONLY when they are hot, cheesy, and stringy. Mel's Buffalo Strips were even colder! I ate one but they were no good. And still no waiter around to send them back to warm up. At this point, why wait for the entree? So finally I saw the waiter, flagged him down, told him how upset we were with the food and service, and told him we were going to leave without paying. He said, "Ok." He didn't try to get the manager involved or anything.

So we left in a huff, storming out of there while our neighboring tables looked at us in wonder. That's right, sister, I'm walking right out of here! Don't try to hold me back!

So we went to Burger King for some Whoppers and Fries. 5 bucks.

There was a time in my life where I was happy every time a restaurant screwed up, because that means free stuff. However, I have the earning power to afford appetizers, entrees, AND desserts at Applebee's (but only once a week). So when I go, I don't want to wait around for cold food just so I can get a free dessert. I want my food, and I want it hot, delicious, and NOW, by gum!

Anyway.