Exclusive Interview!

We here at MellificentTales.blogspot.com are dedicated to providing you, the high-maintenance reader, with groundbreaking and life-altering stories that change the way you perceive your own existence. In this quest we have obtained an interview with the reclusive and socially awkward author of the Terrence adventures, Kent H. We have the scoop!

MT: Thanks for taking the time to sit down with us today, we know you're a busy man.

KH: No problem, Boblem. You mind if I call you Boblem?

MT: How has the success of Terrence changed your life?

KH: Before, I was just your average awesome guy. I would walk down the street in anonymous awesomeness, but now I can't go anywhere without somebody approaching me for an autograph or spare change.

MT: Is Terrence based off of any person in particular?

KH: People have speculated that he may be similar to my roommate Radiohead at the Enclave. While Radiohead was downright retarded and deserves his own story, Terrence and Radiohead have only a few things in common--really, really stinky feet and are hairy like gorillas.

MT: What about Chris? Is Chris patterned after you?

KH: I must admit that Chris has a very similar thought process, but he's a bit more spineless. I would have no problem turning down the Melbas of my day, in fact, I did that a few times. Chris is a combination of me and my roommates at the Enclave (you know who you are).

MT: What's the deal with the draft you had? Does that really happen?

KH: Although it's good in theory, I was never involved in any draft. Usually we picked one or two girls from each ward we'd try to date and it rarely happened that we both were interested in the same girl. But we definitely had plenty of nicknames.

MT: Like Cardboard Lindsey?

KH: (Chuckling) Ah yes, Cardboard Lindsey. I was such a jerk to her, but it had to be done. She couldn't take a hint.

MT: So why "Cardboard"?

KH: She was pretty stale and boring, plus she kind of had the same color complexion as cardboard. All in all, one of my favorite nicknames. There were so many Katie's and Lindsey's at the time, we had to give them each a nickname.

MT: So who's "Vince Carter"?

KH: Well, that comes from a veiled reference to acne. It's hard to tell if a girl has good skin from afar, so it's important to alert your friends to the presence of it. However, "acne", "zits", and "nee" are pretty obvious references. So you take "nee" one step further by comparing it to a knee and at the time Vince Carter had a lot of knee problems. So the phrase "She's got more nee problems than Vince" evolved into "Vince Carter". Same thing with Cleveland, just make references to the Browns, Indians, or Cavs, depending on the season. Females think they can figure out our codes, but they can't.

MT: What about "GWD"? Brenda H (probably Googles herself, so we'll leave her last name out) said she knew what it meant.

KH: GWD = "Get Work Done." I'm pretty sure Brenda's lying, since I told her what it meant BEFORE she said she knew what it meant. "Get Work Done" means to have success getting physical affection from the opposite gender, which is a bit obvious, but I don't think GWD was common enough for people to guess it on their own. We also shortened it to "G-dubb" which is what some people call the US President.

MT: Recently, you have led a socially conscious initiative at Terrence, Inc., to become more environmentally friendly. What have you done?

KH: It's all about saving the earth from the perils of man. Global Warming is very real and they seem to talk about it a lot in Us Weekly, so we know it's definitely happening and it's always good to blindly follow along any social trend even though we look down on people for blindly following their religion. People shouldn't look into it, because once they do, they may find that it's not really happening, and then they'd look like a bunch of idiots.

We here at Terrence, Inc., decided to "Go Green" by eliminating all posts written on paper, we do everything electronically. We decided to walk to work, as bikes use rubber and metal which are resources, which evidently this whole movement is about. We also wear green T-shirts once a month to show our commitment. And we think about how recycling would be a good idea if we didn't have to drive a couple miles to do it. So you see we're really focused on reducing our carbon footprint, not like the pollution-loving freaks over at http://jandjgrant.blogspot.com/.

MT: When can readers look forward to chapter 5 of the Terrence saga?

KH: The writer's strike (I refuse to write unless the previous Terrence post gets at least 10 comments) was holding us back. Plus, my wife and I have been house hunting, so I spend most of my Internet time scouring the web for something near Boston that wasn't built before 1900 (not an easy task). But I will say that Terrence gets the girl, Chris gets the shaft, and Jim and Pam end up getting divorced when Jim's ex-girlfriend shows up preggers. Just kidding! I don't know what will happen, because I have yet to dream it up. So buckle up!

MT: Calm down about the Terrence thing already. Most readers only read it because they have nothing better to do.

KH: My bad. [starts crying]

So, there you have it. A lame excuse for a post like a lame clip show to tide over anxious viewers, but who cares? As long as the advertiser money keeps pouring in!