Terrence part IV

I apologize for the large delay (specifically to Jaime), but it always takes a while to get back "in the swing" if you will. If you won't, then too bad. Mel will hopefully start chipping away at the California vacation posts soon. The trip was great fun and Jaime, Jason, Sam, and Vanessa deserve special shout-outs for being great hosts. I recommend staying with them.

Here is the latest Terrence installment. WITH further ado, I shall now explain my process so far for plotting each Terrence:
1. What will be the choice at the end?
2. How do I get to that point in a reasonable amount of writing?
3. How do I make it funny and entertaining?

For this particular chapter, I realized that most of the choices at the end will always be the same types of questions: Should x take out y? Should z ask for a's phone number? Etc., etc., etc. I can't exactly have cool choose-your-own-adventure questions like, "Should Terrence fight the monster in the cave?" or "Should Annie save Terrence from the fiery car crash?" I bring this up to prepare you all for the inevitable realization that most questions at the end will be more or less the same. I apologize for that, but when it comes down to it, that's what dating questions are like: Should I give my number to Jimbo? Should I go out with Jimbo? Should I go out with Jimbo again? Should I date Jimbo? Should I get married to Jimbo? You get the drift. I am fairly limited. I say this to try and encourage more voting, which had a slight drop-off last time. Last time it was unanimous, 12 votes for Terrence to ask out Annie.

So withOUT further ado, here it is:

Chapter 1: Super Cute Sunday
Chapter 2: Ward FHE
Chapter 3: Double Your Pleasure

Chapter 4

HGW

Sunday, September 14, 2003

11:53 AM

Piled in the back pew with the Steves and Franks, I was pretty excited to see what was going to happen in sacrament meeting. You see, Terrence had acted quickly after his date on Friday with Annette and asked out Annie for Saturday night. He had tried to be secretive about it, but the King had informed us that he had seen Terrence walking out of Annie's apartment around noon on Saturday with a huge smile on his face and then he was gone all evening. To make things even better, Annette had come looking for him with a big plate of cookies, but we didn't know where he was. She slunked off, leaving no cookies behind. I realize that "slunk" isn't a word, but it seems to be perfect for the way Annette walked while holding a plate of cookies and moping about a boy that she likes.

Terrence came home pretty late last night, past my 2 am bedtime even, so I was shocked to see him take off an hour early to church by himself. The Steves, Franks, and I had an impromptu gossip session to discuss what exactly was going on. To be completely honest, I was a little bit worried that things were going swimmingly with Annie, which of course would destroy my chances with her. She was definitely a girl I was still interested in, but I had to stick to the plan, which was to not make any moves until after the draft. At this point, however, Annie was out of the draft as Terrence had signed her as a free agent.

Sac meeting was to start in 5 minutes and still no sign of T or Annie. Annette was parked on the left side, about 5 rows back from the front. She kept looking around anxiously while Melba shot me sheepish grins. These were not the actions of someone who should be hating me, and that worried me. Only a couple rows ahead of me sat the Hottest Girl in the Ward (HGW), someone that the whole apartment had been pining for, hoping to get the first pick of the draft. We knew a little about her: she lived in the Rich Girl Apartment building, drove a VW Jetta with California plates and a Roxy sticker, and worked as a server at PF Chang's. The hot servers are the worst because you know they are constantly being picked up on.

She was your typical HGW and she knew it. She walked around with her nose in the air, rarely giving anybody a second look (what I like to call being "aloof"), always wore trendy Hollister clothes and had a perfect tan. If you were lucky enough to talk to her, she would act uninterested and rarely make eye contact. Every girl in the ward constantly shot her hateful, piercing looks. She was pretty much unattainable and every guy in the ward knew this. This stopped no one.

Already we had heard she'd gone out with most of B8, the apartment in the ward with the Elder's Quorum Presidency. There were no second dates, and we heard that she'd even ripped out a few hearts already with her 50 dollar manicured nails. If she wasn't working, she was out on a date. You had to act early with her, get on her schedule way in advance and bring your "A" game. Whatever you do, you can't be yourself. Be prepared to talk about Coach bags, Us Weekly, and all of her ex-boyfriends who were either football players or black guys. I would give ANYTHING to go out with her. I had to make myself known to her.

Just then, Terrence and Annie walked in, and walked to the front pew, the only available one left. Much to Annette's and my relief, they were not holding hands. Annie sat down next to the wall and Terrence's huge frame landed next to her, obstructing Annie from my view. Terrence was clearly in FCP mode, and it was too early to tell if Annie was a willing participant. Annette moved over a couple of spots to get a better view, as well.

The meeting went by with no real developments. Terrence was taking notes diligently as some High Councilor rambled on about his family's last vacation. Annette constantly cleared her throat to try and get some attention. Melba had pretty much positioned her entire body to face me, which is to say she was almost sitting backwards. She was a starer, and there are few things worse than starers. I had to make a conscious effort to not look in her direction and every so often I would look to check to see if she was still staring. She of course was, which meant I made eye contact and now she thinks I'm checking her out! Not good.

4:23 PM

Me and the Steves were watching football when Annette invited herself in with Melba. She looked around in a panic and asked, "Where's Terrence?" while simultaneously balancing the Tupperware containers in her arms.

We all shrugged. I pretended to be entranced in the lame Bronco's-Chargers game that was a blowout in the 4th quarter and I had no fantasy players involved. This didn't stop Melba from plopping herself practically on my lap.

"What's for dinner?" asked a Steve which a famished look on his face. He had just eaten 5 frozen burritos, too.

"I WAS going to bring Terrence over some food, but apparently he's avoiding me now! I made some delicious Funeral Potatoes and ham especially for him. Chris, do you know where he is?"

"Maybe you could refresh my memory with some of that food." Melba snickered.

"Don't laugh at that, Melba. This is serious stuff. My heart..." Annette started to choke up, "...is about to be broken!"

Melba immediately put a sad look on her face and snatched my hand in a death grip and said in the most annoying cutesy tone, "Isn't she a sad widdle girl?" I was no longer hungry.

"I think he's over with that Annie girl in P5," said a Steve, desperately wanting to get rid of the girls that were obviously not sharing their food with us, and thus, it was not necessary to be nice anymore.

Annette's eyes lit up with fire, "Let's go, Melba!" and stomped off.

Melba got up still holding my hand. "Come on, my widdle wuvver!" This Melba was a strong one.

Annette barged right into P5 still cradling the Funerals and ham. Terrence was on the couch fraternizing with Annie's roommates with Annie nowhere to be seen.

"Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?!?!?!" Annette opened the closet door, checked under the coffee table and hopped behind the couch as if Annie had been forewarned. Terrence just chuckled.

"Hi, Annette! How are things? Who ya lookin' fer?" he asked with an innocent smile on his face.

"You know who I'm looking for! Your new girlfriend!"

Just then Annie walked in the room. "Oh, hi Annette. How are things?"

"DON'T YOU 'HOW ARE THINGS' ME!"

Annie stepped back, startled. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

Annette slowly and firmly stomped towards Annie, in a subtle crouch not unlike a linebacker preparing to make a tackle. She lowered her voice and said through gritted teeth, "You go on one date with my boyfriend and I will END you." She slowly raised her pointed index finger and touched Annie lightly on the nose. The overly dramatic antics of Annette had created an awkwardly comical atmosphere in the room. I was highly amused. It was too tough to call whether the room was to erupt in a brawl or a fit of laughter. Melba walked up to Annie, still holding my hand.

"Can I use the bathroom?"

This was too much. Annie bowled over laughing, and her roommates on the couch did, too. Terrence was laughing the "I'm not sure what's so funny but everyone else is laughing" laugh and I let a few chuckles go myself. Melba sat there patiently, stepping in place as if she had to use the toilet, which of course was the case. Annette's face just got redder and redder, and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She instead turned around and headed over to Terrence and waited for the laughter to subside.

"Terrence, I need you to make a choice-RIGHT NOW-between me or Annie as your girlfriend."

"Okay, I choose Annie."

This news did not seem to please Annie. "Annette, I don't think it's a good idea for Terrence to have to make a choice right now. After all, I've only been on one date with Terrence and I don't really know him well enough."

Annette turned to Annie. "I don't care what YOU think. This is Terrence's decision."

"Not entirely," retorted Annie, audibly starting to lose her patience, "I have to decide if I want to date Terrence and I don't know if I do."

"Why not?" asked both Annette and Terrence in unison.

Annie looked around the room with a "Are you fetchin kidding me?" look on her face when she finally noticed that I was there, with Melba's mitts still holding my unwilling hand. This made her smile a Mr. Grinch-style grin, only going up on one edge of the mouth. "Well, I don't like to jump into relationships like some people in our ward do," she said mischievously, not breaking eye contact with me. I KNEW she wanted me!

This pleased Annette and seemed to calm her down some. "Well then. If anybody wants delicious Funeral potatoes and their name rhymes with 'Bearence' then they can come over to my place for dinner." She marched out with Melba and I close behind.

10:32 PM

It was finally here--the draft. We got the menu at Ward Prayer and we'd all had a few minutes to peruse and make up our pre-draft rankings. It was discovered that HGW was Anita--the girl from Tennessee who Terrence had considered asking out. Of course he hadn't, so that means she was still up for grabs. We rolled dice to see who got to go first, and I was the luckiest! HGW was mine!

Now before we give a little taste of what a ward draft is like, I should note that the major players in our apartment are me, the Steves, and the Franks. One of the Steves is really good-looking, the type of guy who want to have around to attract the hot chicks, but also the type of guy you DON'T want to have around because the ladies always want him more than you. The good thing is that he's as dumb as a rock and super boring, so the ladies end up disenchanted pretty quickly. The other Steve is the complete opposite. He's one of those guys you love because they are funny, always up for crazy antics, and great at everything. Fortunately he's really ugly, so therefore a perfect wingman.

The Franks are identical twins who are so identical their parents just gave them the same name. They are relatively attractive (I hear) and seem to pull in a decent amount of ladies. Frequently they will just switch up who goes out with who because the girls never notice the difference. I don't even know the difference. It's like having a clone.

So me getting HGW was clutch because if Dumb Steve got her, none of us would ever have a chance. If I flame out with HGW, then the others draw straws to see who gets the next chance. Dumb Steve never flames out quickly because he's so hot. Girls will keep him around for a while, constantly giving him extra chances because they are so attracted to him. Of course guys do the same thing with hot chicks, except guys will give the hot chicks double the chances and even marry the girl hoping she will eventually turn around. Anyway, because Dumb Steve takes so long to flame out, it usually qualifies as "dating" and you can't take out someone your roommate has been dating.

So let's have a live look-in at the draft:

Me: With the first pick of the 2003 Fall Semester Draft, I take HGW, real name Anita of BB5.

Steves and Franks: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooo!!

Me: Like you didn't know that was coming. She's a top prospect. Tremendous upside. Needs to work on: personality, friendliness. You're next, Steve.

Cool Steve: I'll take Red Dress Chick from the Meringue House. (Consults menu) Bekah.

Frank 1: Ouch. I wanted her!

Me: A bit of a two-face. I saw her at FHE...not looking good.

Cool Steve: Hey, I'm a bit of a no-face, so I'll take what I can get.

Frank 1: Okay, I'll take Sara from BB12. (Frank 2 smiles)

Me: We should limit the Franks to only one pick between them per round, because they always just swap based on preference.

Cool Steve: I second that motion. Steve?

Dumb Steve: Sounds good.

Anyway, just replicate that conversation for the next hour and you have the draft. Here was my haul:

1. HGW
2. Miss Sandy
3. Cell phone walk n talk
4. Ski ramp nose
5. Vince Carter
6. Michelle Cougars
7. Arianna
8. Cardboard Lindsey

After 8 rounds, you're really reaching, so we called it.

The rule with any first rounder is you need to take immediate action within a week. It doesn't have to be a date, but it needs to at least involve a phone call, a pop by, or some sort of effort where she knows you're making a move. If you fail, you no longer own the rights. I wasn't worried about that, though. I was excited to get that Melba stank off, so I called Anita right away.

I looked up her number in the menu-no cell phone posted. Gonna have to call the apartment, which is always risky. I dialed it in.

"Hello?" Feminine voice with a little pep and excitement. Good start.

"Hi, is Anita there?" On the other side there was a prolonged sigh/groan and any excitement was lost.

"Yeah, I'll get her." Pause. "ANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!" Breathing, faint tapping of the foot. About 10 seconds go by. "ANNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hello?"

"Hi, Anita?"

"Yeah."

"This is Chris from the ward. I live in B4."

"Ok."

"Anyway, I, uh, was, uh, wondering, you know, well, so, do you, uh, like sushi?" This was not going well. My knees were knocking, I was completely off my game. In my head before the call I had all these funny things to say. Everybody's got a plan until they get hit.

"Nope." Oh geez. Rejection city.

"Awesome! I was just taking a sushi survey. Haha!" I'm pretty sure I heard a tumbleweed blow by on her side.

"So, Kermit, is that all you're calling for?"

"Well, I wanted to know if I could take you out for sushi, but I guess you don't like it, so that kinda bombed. I guess we could go somewhere else, though, if that's okay with you."

"Are you asking me out?"

"Yeah, I guess."

WHAT DOES HGW SAY TO CHRIS? DOES SHE LET HIM TAKE HER OUT? AND WHAT DOES SHE SAY IN RESPONSE? THE BEST ANSWER WILL BE CHOSEN BY ME AND USED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!! HOW EXCITING!