Thanks to all who voted. I thoroughly enjoyed reading what everybody had to say, especially Kristin and Melanie who apparently have some issues with guys like Chris. Good thing Melanie married one of them. It looks like the "Nays" won by a vote of 12 to 6, so Chris did not ask Annie for her number, but he still left on good terms, you needn't worry about that.
This week's episode is the double-date. I hope you enjoy it. I wish I had more time to write and more importantly edit, but I don't, so hopefully you find it entertaining. There will be no Terrence next week as we are off to California for some vacation. So you can reread chapters 1 and 2 to tide you over.
Chapter 1: Super Cute Sunday
Chapter 2: Ward FHE
Friday, September 12, 2003
7:34 pm
All four of us crammed in Steve's Nissan Sentra, Terrence, Annette, Melba, and I were headed somewhere on our date. Terrence was driving, Annette riding shotgun, me directly behind Terrence and Melba opposite me, closing in fast. We had picked the girls up just minutes ago and Terrence was driving us toward a mystery destination that was sure to bring some good, clean, zoobie fun.
"So," Terrence said, "are you all ready to have some fun?"
"Oh yeah!" chimed Annette and Melba in unison. I rolled my eyes. I was Mr. Bad Attitude in the backseat, and proud of it.
"Hey, Terrence, can you at least tell us where we're going?" I asked.
"Can't, partner, it'd spoil the surprise." Terrence gave me a wink through the rear view mirror. Annette was giddy with excitement and Melba just kept staring at me. This was going to be a LONG night. I started thinking of excuses to get out of this. Should I fake like I got an emergency phone call? No, there'd be too many follow-up questions. Maybe fake the stomach flu? No, I'd get too much sympathy from Melba, and that would bring us (gulp) closer together. I think I'm stuck. Might as well make the best of it.
"So, Melba, where are you from?"
"Lehi." I guessed American Fark. I was close.
"So what do you do in Lehi for fun?"
"Oh, you know, make cookies. Chase cows. Churn butter. The yoozh."
"Yeah, uh, I guess I did a lot of that where I grew up, too."
"Oh, really? How long did you typically sour the cream for?"
Dangit! She actually wants to talk about this? Caught in the web of my own lies! Maybe I'll just play along...
"We usually would just buy sour cream from the store."
"LOL!! You're so funny, Chris. You know that's probably my favorite thing about you. That and your beautiful smile..." Melba reached out her hand to caress my lips. Her mitt was so meaty it looked almost like one of those latex gloves that you blow up into a balloon so it looks like an udder. She ran her index finger around my lips as I just sat there in horror.
Luckily, the car had stopped and we had arrived at Wal-Mart. Terrence swiveled his enormous head around and stated, "We're here!" with unfeigned excitement. Melba hurriedly removed her udder hand away from my lips and looked away bashfully, as if we'd just been caught making out. Annette gave her a coy glance that probably meant "You sly fox, you!"
"What on earth are we doing at Wal-Mart?" I asked.
"Okay, we're gonna have a little challenge. The winning couple buys the other a shake at the Malt Shoppe! What you have to do is pile a shopping cart full of 20 random goods you find in the whole store. Then we meet back and exchange shopping carts. The first one to put all of the goods back wins!"
The girls whooped and hollered. "Oh, that's a great idea! This will be so much fun!" I threw up a little in my mouth. I better be rewarded in heaven for this.
Terrence and Annette jumped out of the car, clasped hands, and skipped together into the store. Melba reached out her chubby hand, but I pretended not to see and left her hanging. I grabbed a shopping cart and we started down the aisle.
"Let's go into women's apparel!" suggested Melba. That sounded like an awful idea. Bras made me nervous and queasy. We headed there anyway, straight to the underwear section. It was almost like Melba was going to do a little shopping of her own with her new beau. I tried to think pleasant thoughts while she rifled through the merchandise, throwing items into the cart. 20-pack of XXL women's briefs. Size 16 jeans. Women's Plus Halter Dress. Pleasant thoughts, nice thoughts.
From there we headed to the baby section. "How many kids do you want to have?" she asked.
"I dunno, a few, I guess."
"Well, I think we should have 6. Because that's how many is my family, and we're perfect."
"That sounds like a good plan. Let's have 6." Melba looked at me and gave me a big "I'm so glad we're dating" smile.
Melba threw some more items in the cart: electric breast pump, nursing pillow, 4-sided changing pad.
"What's your opinion on breast-feeding?" she asked.
"Seems cheaper than the alternative," I deadpanned.
"Well, I was breast-fed until a late age, and I turned out great, so that's what I'm going to do."
"Well, I'll make sure you have a comfortable feeding den." She smiled at me again.
We got our 20 items, thankfully walking right past the feminine hygiene aisle, and met Terrence and Annette at the front. Inside their cart were things I hadn't ever seen before. Annette had a look in her eye like "No way I'm losing to a chump like you, Chris!" If I weren't dating Melba, Annette would probably have me killed, she was in no way fond of me. We swapped carts and they took off in a sprint. I pushed ours over to sporting goods and proceeded to stuff all of the items into the shelves.
"What are you doing? Chris, those all don't belong there!"
"Look, this game is stupid. If I wanted to stock shelves at Wal-Mart, I'd at least get paid minimum wage to do it, I don't do it for free."
Melba's lips quivered and her eyes started to gleam. "What are you saying, Chris?" A single tear ran out of her left eye. "Does this mean you don't want to be with me anymore?"
Oh geez. Damage control time. "Look, Melba, we're not dating. We're on a date. And I like you just fine, I just don't like this little game Terrence made up."
"Is it because I'm fat? Do you think I'm too fat?" More crying. I just wheeled the empty shopping cart back to the front of the store with my pathetic crier moping along. Seconds later, Terrence and Annette came hauling down the aisle, Annette sitting in the cart with Terrence pushing. Once they saw us with an empty cart, their faces dropped.
"How could you have beaten us?" asked Terrence. "We had some really tough-to-find items in there!"
Melba wiped away a tear and said in a shaky voice, pointing at me, "He cheated."
Annette jumped out of the cart and got in my face. "You cheated?!?! What!??! And why is Melba crying!?!?! What kind of person are you?!" Terrence just shook his head like a disappointed father. Annette put her arm around Melba who broke into an all-out sob.
"So...who wants ice cream?"
11:55 pm
After the Wal-Mart debacle, the Malt Shoppe turned out to be quite pleasant in comparison. Which goes to prove my theory that nothing ever goes wrong in the Malt Shoppe. Once Melba started drowning her sorrows in her Reese's shake (with chunks of Snickers, Heath Bar, and Oreo), the world seemed like a better place. Terrence and Annette were getting along swimmingly, discussing the benefits of hay versus alfalfa, when the best time to plant is, and what to do with a bull that won't mate with the cows. I learned quite a lot, watching Terrence really dive into the conversation. He had no inhibitions, he was just himself and completely honest. This really made Annette feel welcome to put down any guard she may have and open up herself to a relationship that could really go places. They held hands off and on and they both had that dream-gazing look in their eyes. This was good. This was REALLY good.
We dropped the girls off with no fireworks or drama. No kisses between T and A, no crying from Melba. She hadn't spoken much to me since Wal-Mart, but I enjoyed the silence. At least I don't have to break her heart later, she should hate me enough already.
We walked into the apartment, and to our surprise, the King was sitting on the couch watching SportsCenter. Terrence sat down next to him, me in the recliner across from them. The King turned off the TV and focused on Terrence.
"How was your date?" the King asked.
"Pretty good, sir. The ladies were very cordial."
"How did you get along with Annette?"
"Oh, we got along great. There was pleasant conversation almost non-stop. She's real smart and knows her way around a cow, that's fer sure."
The King paused to think. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After about a minute, he heaved a sigh, faced Terrence, looking him directly in the eye and asked him the most Bishop-like tone possible: "Was there any physical intimacy?"
Terrence looked confused for a second. "We held hands, if that's what you're asking."
"No kissing?"
"Nope."
"Okay, then, you may proceed with the second date."
"Well, King, I don't know if I want to just yet. She's a great girl and all, I'm kinda attracted to her, but there's another girl I think I'd be more interested in." What? What about all the hand-holding and cow talk?! Did that all mean nothing to him?
"Annie?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
The King just gave him a sly, don't-be-ridiculous-I-know-everything look and smiled. "Look, Terrence, it's important to date around, you'll get a good idea of what you really want. But you'll risk alienating Annette, who seems like a really good match for you."
"You're right, but I just am really interested in Annie, and she's all I think about."
All of this talk about Annie made me wonder if I had made a huge mistake by not asking for her number on Monday. At that point, Terrence hadn't made a real move on her and it wouldn't be considered foul play if I would've gotten her number. But it looked like Terrence was going to ask her out and my chances with Annie would be gone for the immediate future.
But isn't that what I wanted? Just to get to know her better, develop a friendship and save her for later? But what if she's not available? The ward menu comes out on Sunday, and we'll have the draft that night, so I need to be available for my first and second rounders. I know the Steves are really gearing up for this, so I might as well just put Annie to the back of my mind for now. Terrence could take her out, for all I care.
SHOULD TERRENCE ASK OUT ANNIE? OR SHOULD HE KEY IN ON ANNETTE FOR NOW? OR MAYBE FIND A NEW GIRL TO DATE? THE CHOICE IS YOURS AT CHUCK-A-RAMA! BE SURE TO VOTE AND JOIN IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE ZOOBIE DRAMA!
This week's episode is the double-date. I hope you enjoy it. I wish I had more time to write and more importantly edit, but I don't, so hopefully you find it entertaining. There will be no Terrence next week as we are off to California for some vacation. So you can reread chapters 1 and 2 to tide you over.
Chapter 1: Super Cute Sunday
Chapter 2: Ward FHE
Chapter 3
Double Your Pleasure
Double Your Pleasure
Friday, September 12, 2003
7:34 pm
All four of us crammed in Steve's Nissan Sentra, Terrence, Annette, Melba, and I were headed somewhere on our date. Terrence was driving, Annette riding shotgun, me directly behind Terrence and Melba opposite me, closing in fast. We had picked the girls up just minutes ago and Terrence was driving us toward a mystery destination that was sure to bring some good, clean, zoobie fun.
"So," Terrence said, "are you all ready to have some fun?"
"Oh yeah!" chimed Annette and Melba in unison. I rolled my eyes. I was Mr. Bad Attitude in the backseat, and proud of it.
"Hey, Terrence, can you at least tell us where we're going?" I asked.
"Can't, partner, it'd spoil the surprise." Terrence gave me a wink through the rear view mirror. Annette was giddy with excitement and Melba just kept staring at me. This was going to be a LONG night. I started thinking of excuses to get out of this. Should I fake like I got an emergency phone call? No, there'd be too many follow-up questions. Maybe fake the stomach flu? No, I'd get too much sympathy from Melba, and that would bring us (gulp) closer together. I think I'm stuck. Might as well make the best of it.
"So, Melba, where are you from?"
"Lehi." I guessed American Fark. I was close.
"So what do you do in Lehi for fun?"
"Oh, you know, make cookies. Chase cows. Churn butter. The yoozh."
"Yeah, uh, I guess I did a lot of that where I grew up, too."
"Oh, really? How long did you typically sour the cream for?"
Dangit! She actually wants to talk about this? Caught in the web of my own lies! Maybe I'll just play along...
"We usually would just buy sour cream from the store."
"LOL!! You're so funny, Chris. You know that's probably my favorite thing about you. That and your beautiful smile..." Melba reached out her hand to caress my lips. Her mitt was so meaty it looked almost like one of those latex gloves that you blow up into a balloon so it looks like an udder. She ran her index finger around my lips as I just sat there in horror.
Luckily, the car had stopped and we had arrived at Wal-Mart. Terrence swiveled his enormous head around and stated, "We're here!" with unfeigned excitement. Melba hurriedly removed her udder hand away from my lips and looked away bashfully, as if we'd just been caught making out. Annette gave her a coy glance that probably meant "You sly fox, you!"
"What on earth are we doing at Wal-Mart?" I asked.
"Okay, we're gonna have a little challenge. The winning couple buys the other a shake at the Malt Shoppe! What you have to do is pile a shopping cart full of 20 random goods you find in the whole store. Then we meet back and exchange shopping carts. The first one to put all of the goods back wins!"
The girls whooped and hollered. "Oh, that's a great idea! This will be so much fun!" I threw up a little in my mouth. I better be rewarded in heaven for this.
Terrence and Annette jumped out of the car, clasped hands, and skipped together into the store. Melba reached out her chubby hand, but I pretended not to see and left her hanging. I grabbed a shopping cart and we started down the aisle.
"Let's go into women's apparel!" suggested Melba. That sounded like an awful idea. Bras made me nervous and queasy. We headed there anyway, straight to the underwear section. It was almost like Melba was going to do a little shopping of her own with her new beau. I tried to think pleasant thoughts while she rifled through the merchandise, throwing items into the cart. 20-pack of XXL women's briefs. Size 16 jeans. Women's Plus Halter Dress. Pleasant thoughts, nice thoughts.
From there we headed to the baby section. "How many kids do you want to have?" she asked.
"I dunno, a few, I guess."
"Well, I think we should have 6. Because that's how many is my family, and we're perfect."
"That sounds like a good plan. Let's have 6." Melba looked at me and gave me a big "I'm so glad we're dating" smile.
Melba threw some more items in the cart: electric breast pump, nursing pillow, 4-sided changing pad.
"What's your opinion on breast-feeding?" she asked.
"Seems cheaper than the alternative," I deadpanned.
"Well, I was breast-fed until a late age, and I turned out great, so that's what I'm going to do."
"Well, I'll make sure you have a comfortable feeding den." She smiled at me again.
We got our 20 items, thankfully walking right past the feminine hygiene aisle, and met Terrence and Annette at the front. Inside their cart were things I hadn't ever seen before. Annette had a look in her eye like "No way I'm losing to a chump like you, Chris!" If I weren't dating Melba, Annette would probably have me killed, she was in no way fond of me. We swapped carts and they took off in a sprint. I pushed ours over to sporting goods and proceeded to stuff all of the items into the shelves.
"What are you doing? Chris, those all don't belong there!"
"Look, this game is stupid. If I wanted to stock shelves at Wal-Mart, I'd at least get paid minimum wage to do it, I don't do it for free."
Melba's lips quivered and her eyes started to gleam. "What are you saying, Chris?" A single tear ran out of her left eye. "Does this mean you don't want to be with me anymore?"
Oh geez. Damage control time. "Look, Melba, we're not dating. We're on a date. And I like you just fine, I just don't like this little game Terrence made up."
"Is it because I'm fat? Do you think I'm too fat?" More crying. I just wheeled the empty shopping cart back to the front of the store with my pathetic crier moping along. Seconds later, Terrence and Annette came hauling down the aisle, Annette sitting in the cart with Terrence pushing. Once they saw us with an empty cart, their faces dropped.
"How could you have beaten us?" asked Terrence. "We had some really tough-to-find items in there!"
Melba wiped away a tear and said in a shaky voice, pointing at me, "He cheated."
Annette jumped out of the cart and got in my face. "You cheated?!?! What!??! And why is Melba crying!?!?! What kind of person are you?!" Terrence just shook his head like a disappointed father. Annette put her arm around Melba who broke into an all-out sob.
"So...who wants ice cream?"
11:55 pm
After the Wal-Mart debacle, the Malt Shoppe turned out to be quite pleasant in comparison. Which goes to prove my theory that nothing ever goes wrong in the Malt Shoppe. Once Melba started drowning her sorrows in her Reese's shake (with chunks of Snickers, Heath Bar, and Oreo), the world seemed like a better place. Terrence and Annette were getting along swimmingly, discussing the benefits of hay versus alfalfa, when the best time to plant is, and what to do with a bull that won't mate with the cows. I learned quite a lot, watching Terrence really dive into the conversation. He had no inhibitions, he was just himself and completely honest. This really made Annette feel welcome to put down any guard she may have and open up herself to a relationship that could really go places. They held hands off and on and they both had that dream-gazing look in their eyes. This was good. This was REALLY good.
We dropped the girls off with no fireworks or drama. No kisses between T and A, no crying from Melba. She hadn't spoken much to me since Wal-Mart, but I enjoyed the silence. At least I don't have to break her heart later, she should hate me enough already.
We walked into the apartment, and to our surprise, the King was sitting on the couch watching SportsCenter. Terrence sat down next to him, me in the recliner across from them. The King turned off the TV and focused on Terrence.
"How was your date?" the King asked.
"Pretty good, sir. The ladies were very cordial."
"How did you get along with Annette?"
"Oh, we got along great. There was pleasant conversation almost non-stop. She's real smart and knows her way around a cow, that's fer sure."
The King paused to think. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After about a minute, he heaved a sigh, faced Terrence, looking him directly in the eye and asked him the most Bishop-like tone possible: "Was there any physical intimacy?"
Terrence looked confused for a second. "We held hands, if that's what you're asking."
"No kissing?"
"Nope."
"Okay, then, you may proceed with the second date."
"Well, King, I don't know if I want to just yet. She's a great girl and all, I'm kinda attracted to her, but there's another girl I think I'd be more interested in." What? What about all the hand-holding and cow talk?! Did that all mean nothing to him?
"Annie?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
The King just gave him a sly, don't-be-ridiculous-I-know-everything look and smiled. "Look, Terrence, it's important to date around, you'll get a good idea of what you really want. But you'll risk alienating Annette, who seems like a really good match for you."
"You're right, but I just am really interested in Annie, and she's all I think about."
All of this talk about Annie made me wonder if I had made a huge mistake by not asking for her number on Monday. At that point, Terrence hadn't made a real move on her and it wouldn't be considered foul play if I would've gotten her number. But it looked like Terrence was going to ask her out and my chances with Annie would be gone for the immediate future.
But isn't that what I wanted? Just to get to know her better, develop a friendship and save her for later? But what if she's not available? The ward menu comes out on Sunday, and we'll have the draft that night, so I need to be available for my first and second rounders. I know the Steves are really gearing up for this, so I might as well just put Annie to the back of my mind for now. Terrence could take her out, for all I care.
SHOULD TERRENCE ASK OUT ANNIE? OR SHOULD HE KEY IN ON ANNETTE FOR NOW? OR MAYBE FIND A NEW GIRL TO DATE? THE CHOICE IS YOURS AT CHUCK-A-RAMA! BE SURE TO VOTE AND JOIN IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE ZOOBIE DRAMA!
18 comments:
First!
I vote T ask Annie out. Oh the drama that will ensue.
Second! Very entertaining chapter. But I agree with First! Terrence should ask Annie out. Terrence can't tie himself down so quickly and the competition with Chris for Annie will only be good for Chris (unless of course Terrence looks better in Annie's eyes, which is a real possibility given Chris's shallowness).
Totally. T needs to ask Annie out. The more tangled the web, the better!
What happened to Brooke? She seemed like a pretty cool up & coming character!!!
Also, I don't think Chris is THAT shallow. He at least humored T by taking out Melba.
PS I didn't know you guys were bikers. We should go sometime. We like the mountain biking trails up at Lynn Fells and they are close. Or for a nice cruiser, for the little guy, we can always hit Revere Beach. We took the little man there yesterday and he loved it. So many people and animals to look at:)
Just to clarify, I didn't mean to imply that Chris was a jerk for being as shallow as he is or even that I was any less shallow than he was when I was at BYU. Certainly I would not have been enthused about a date at Walmart with a former cowhand and butter churner.
I'm just saying that Annie might prefer Terrence's good naturedness to Chris's sometimes condescending attitude and focus on girls' weight.
Obviously Terrence should ask out Annie in the most bold, awkward way possible! We all know Annette is going to be crushed, offended, and still waiting for Terrence to come crawling back so no harm done. I'd also like to remind everyone that we have no way of knowing if Annie is even interested in Chris. So what if she participated in playful banter. My guess is that she's already got a guy in mind for herself that lives somewhere much cooler than the GlenHOOD....which is clearly where this story is taking place.
I don't know if I can vote on this thing any more...my stomach is about as churned as Melba's butter, and let's be honest, I bet that girl can churn up a storm!
I think the real spin would be for Terrence to ask Annie out and Annette NOT be waiting for him to come crawling back...wouldn't that be a turn of events...
huh?
i don't get it.
how many chapters is this thing gonna have?
I'm just too tired to vote. Do whatever the heck you want. Good show, though.
Sure. T should ask out Annie. But let's make Annette a little more appealing, how about? Or maybe I'm confusing her with Melba.
Terrence should definitely ask Annie out, which I initially voted for anyway.
I vote Terrance ask Annie out.
Also, Lehi is a great place to grow up. Not (necessarily) everyone who lives there churns butter!
What's the big deal about Annie, anyway? Just because she's good-looking and was fun ONCE...who cares? She's probably a total airhead. And/or high maintenance. Seems like everybody's acting like she's the grand dating prize, of which she certainly hasn't proven herself worthy, yet.
Sure! Let Terrence take her out. He shouldn't be tying himself down already to either one of 'em, and neither should Chris.
As I recall, Chris had a whole host of girls ranked really high. Go after one of them instead. Develop the friendship with Annie and let her show some more interest.
I doubt anybody would take any of MY dating advise seriously, though. And really, neither should they...
Maybe Terrance should ask out Annie for Friday and Annette for Saturday...seems like one of those guys that feels the real need to get married right away. Keep Terrance and Annette together...they are perfect for each other and both seem equally full of cheese.
of course terrance should ask annie out. play on playa.
and as for chris. dude. you snooze you lose.
p.s. you're in the next room right now. weird huh?
Brian's not bitter at all... nope...
Ask Annie out and get on with it! How long are you going to leave me hanging? Or should I just rename you Stan Lee?
ok kent. you've been home for 4 days now. it's time to blog.
You know, I've been busy graduating and playing wargames and to know this is what I've been missing... I think it's gonna be an all-nighter.
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